A not so simple love story
by blondebluesbird
Summary: AU. Edward gets his MD, and meets Bella, a young student nurse.
1. excuse me mr

-1**A/N- K, I obvi don't own any of these characters. Think of it as "trying on" designer pieces from the Meyer line ; )**

**Summary**

**I probably should just let you read, but this is an AU, Edward decides he's sick of high school and decides to follow in his Dad's footsteps. Let's pretend that Forks has a teaching hospital, where he will meet the love of his life….Bella, a young nursing student, a bit OOC as dancing is one of her extracurriculars, but I don't want to give everything away. **

Epov

Not needing to sleep definitely has its advantages. I make my rounds of the now quiet floor at an hour regarded by most of my more delicate co workers as "ungodly." The word brings an ironic smile to my lips, if they only knew. I won't pretend nepotism didn't get me this job, a "young" grad, 'fresh' from Harvard medical school, right onto the floor. Good thing 'daddy' works here. Yes, I'm a lowly intern, but one no one dares to cross. Not that they would dare anyways. What with the whole vampire thing, not that they know. Not like that's the reason no one calls me when they all go out for drinks. I don't mind, no amount of beer could ever quench my thirst. Sigh. Dad was "so proud." Carlisle gave me the forged diploma last week, grinning at my discontent. I went to Yale. Ages ago. But I digress… I am drawn to this work, as my father before me, as penitence for my sins, or as they say "the sins of the father…"

Bpov

"Oh come on" I whined at my ancient truck. I squinted in the dark at my watch. 5:45. I was still early, but I couldn't afford to get out of the truck and lift the hood. Not in my new white..God help me…scrubs. I should NOT be allowed to do this. What if I trip over an IV pole and accidentally kill someone? My breathing began to accelerate with my heart. This isn't even the beginning of the semester, I am bone tired. Because, clumsy though I am while walking, I have a dance to choreograph, we're auditioning new dancers for the semester, I smiled at the thought of our little family growing. I loved dance corps, I had to put a dance together.... On top of my paper for pharmacology. On top of my presentation on juvenile diabetes. On top of two tests, one for med surg, and a performance exam for health assessment, we have to give our partner a complete physical while an instructor breathes down our necks, and takes notes. You don't know who is giving the physical until the last second, and I hope that it's me, because I'm nervous that Jessica is doing this more to get a glimpse of Mike's bare chest in lab than because she's actually interested in nursing as a profession. The point is, if your partner messes up you take the hit with them. It's supposed to build teamwork and trust, but it mostly just elevates my blood pressure. Dancing helps me calm my nerves, but the late night rehearsals make me look like a battered raccoon, and that is being kind.

"Just breathe" I remind myself. The watch tells me the truck needs to start. Now. With a rumbling shudder, as though I am tearing it from sleep, my truck gives in, and the engine turns over. I'm not sure how I feel about that, as it means I actually have to go. I Can do this. I think.

Cpov

I am excited today. For all of my children. They needed to "go to college." They told their mother and me. They couldn't stand another day of high school. The girls and their husbands were going to attend the local college. We waited an appropriate amount of time, we had forever after all, and now Edward was to work here with me, after I pulled a few strings, I'd worked with him before, 50 years ago, and he's an excellent physician.

"Excuse me Dr." I say, when I happen upon Edward, not able to keep a straight face. " Would you happen to have Mrs. Worth's chart? They're setting the interns on her. I want to know what her health was like before.." I trailed off. The north nurses station is small, and that charts are still paper ones. God bless small towns. Computers irritate me. Edward turns the revolving stand that holds the charts, Mrs. Worth's is missing. A frown crosses his face. It takes me a second to remember…something about…other students. Yes, nursing students from the local college. This was a teaching hospital. Edward pulled a note out of the slot where the chart was supposed to be. It was written in a pretty feminine scrawl ' Bella Swan, FC SN has the chart for 621 at south station.' I chuckle at the FC, they chose to call themselves college because of the unfortunate abbreviation Forks University would make.

I am suddenly aware of a beautiful scent, Edward freezes, which for him is saying something. I turn, and face the small girl coming down the hall at us. Her brown hair falls in waves to the middle of her back. I'll have to tell her to put it up. She's stopped at Richard's chair. Richard has been with us for a while. He considers himself the guardian of the halls. "Are you cold Richard?" her musical voice rings out. I grin at her cleverness, Richard is a fan of taking his socks off, which makes him more prone to slipping, without the treads on the bottom. "These socks look so warm, how about we put them on?" She puts the chart down and slides Richard's feet in. "That's better, don't you think?" She asks. Richard just smiles and gets up. " Do you mind walking me to the station, Richard? I have to put this chart back, hold on to my hand and we'll dance there ok? You and me?" He is only too happy to oblige. My earlier annoyance at her hair being down has vanished. I turned to my son, only to find myself looking into eyes that have gone coal black. "Edward" My voice is a low warning, but she is upon us now. Warm and smelling heavenly. Out of he corner of my eye, I see Edward snatch the chart from her, lightening fast. "you were supposed to do your research last night, so that the doctors wouldn't have to be inconvenienced by you." His voice is hard.

"Excuse me _Doctor_" she sneered, good for her, I was mortified by my son's tone. "But I always like to double check the charts, by the way the lab came back with the patient's new potassium level, it's 6.5. I'm just a nursing student, but someone should probably write an order to give her some calcium gluconate IV stat, and, maybe, if it's not too big of a deal for you, give her some D5 and Insulin. Her ECG isn't looking so good and I feel like a cardiac event would be an _inconvenience_ for you." She. Was. Brilliant. "Put your hair up, this is a hospital, not a runway." Edward snarled back. I could see this was going to go nowhere.

"Edward, do as she says." He looked murderous and began writing the orders. I turned to the girl, who had pulled her hair up to reveal a face and neck that were bright red, she turned quickly on her heel, but I caught her arm. " Nice Job Miss Swan, but now that the Potassium is in the cells, how are you going to get rid of it?" I couldn't keep the smile off my face. " Kayexalate, she's already on lasix for the fluid volume overload caused by her heart failure." She mumbled, burning brighter still. "We'll have to push the calcium slowly, because she's also on Dig." She added as an afterthought, and walked away as quick as her legs could carry her. I was going to like this girl. "Did you get all of that Edward?" I called over my shoulder. I practically flew over to him, and gripped his arm. "What was that back there?"

Epov

"Would you happen to have Mrs. Worth's chart? They're setting the interns on her…" The rest of Carlisle's smart remark was drowned out by the most exquisite pain. My throat was on fire, as if I had swallowed broken glass, chased it with acid, and finished with a flaming baton. I couldn't move. I had to, and suddenly wished beyond anything I ever have that I was still frozen. My hands gripped the countertop, I could feel my grip breaking the edge off. I had to stop breathing, but I couldn't stop my sight. God, I can't do this. She's bent over the old man, her skin is so beautiful, porcelain, it wouldn't take me long, Carlisle and I are the only ones here, no one would have to know. But… But. He would. My father would. After everything he's risked to let me out of the hellish boredom that was high school. He loved it here. This girl would have to go.

Suddenly, she laughs, and shakes her hair out of her face. She should really have it up. What is she an idiot? She's still walking this way, holding hands with the old man, her scent all over the chart that I have to carry around all day. Perfect. I shouldn't smell that. I had let my breaths continue, I ached to taste her. I had never wanted anything so bad. Hunger doesn't begin to cover it. The vast ocean of the word thirst couldn't possibly contain my longing for this child's blood. "You were supposed to do your research last night, so that the doctors wouldn't have to be inconvenienced by you." I snarled. Not a way to make friends, Edward. Wait? Why was I thinking that? I needed her to go away from me. Far. And never come back. She was still talking. 6.5? We need-

" Someone should probably write an order for calcium gluconate IV stat, and, maybe if it's not too big a deal for you, give her some D5 and insulin. Her ECG isn't looking good and I feel like a cardiac event would be an inconvenience for you." Her eyes were…wet as she spit all of this out very fast, why was she about to cry?

She had taken the words right from my mouth. It was then that I noticed the silence. I had no idea why she was about to cry. "Edward" I heard Carlisle's voice in my head. He was looking daggers at me. " Edward, I am mortified , how could you be so boorish." I glared back at him, he knew I couldn't answer right now. Only your parents could take your strengths and turn them into weaknesses. "Put your hair up, this is a hospital, not a runway." I snarled at the girl. Carlisle had a grin on his face. "Put you in your place, didn't she?" His voice rang out in my mind while "Edward, do as she says" escaped his lips. I turned and furiously started writing orders, clearly as I could because I didn't need her coming to find me on her own, making fun of my handwriting, putting her own life in danger.

Bpov

I. Was. Furious. What an arrogant, condescending, Ass! I threw the door to the supply closet open, no longer able to fight my tears of fury. I caught my reflection in a bedpan. Great. A battered raccoon…with sunburn. I couldn't help laughing, I clutched the wall for support, sliding down to the floor. I went over the words we exchanged again, was I right? Carlisle seemed to think so. I had never had a problem with his son until now, in fact, though he was unsociable and taciturn all through high school he remained the most gorgeous man I had ever laid eyes on. While I was on the subject of asses, his looked especially nice in his khaki dress pants. 'Oh My God Bella' I chided myself, ripping open some gauze and wiping my tears with it. 'He's such a jerk, clearly looks arent everything' but they were a lot, and even though we had spent the last five minutes sniping at each other, there was this electrical force, this irresistible pull between us. I had, in fact, vacillated between wanting to slap him and jump him while I was telling him off. It was deeper than just the physical though, even as he was being unconscionably rude towards me, I wanted to just be near him, to know what he was thinking, to hear his opinions about other subjects besides my alleged incompetence.

"Bella?" A voice called out. Jessica. I was surprised she deigned to drag herself here. I snorted. "Bella, Ms. Thomson wants to talk to you." Jessica smirked and started gathering her supplied next to me. " It's only 730 a.m. what could she possibly want? Ugh! Oh My Gosh, you're never going to believe who gave me a ride here!" Her eyes were alight with joy. She didn't give me an opportunity to guess. "Mike! You were right Bella! He doesn't like you! I mean not that way." At this she reached out to pat my hand sympathetically. I fought to keep my breakfast down and a smile off my face. I know she wanted me to be disappointed that Mike was interested in her. I could fake it, for teamwork. I sighed dramatically, forced my face into a mock pout and said "I knew from the way he looks at you in lab that I didn't have a chance, he was just using me for answers." She tried to look at me with pity. She looked like she needed the bedpan. "Don't worry, Bella, you'll find someone." _Edward's_ face flew into my mind. 'Ugh!' I thought 'Stop right there, he clearly is not impressed.' I gave Jessica one last 'Sad' look and tripped over my feet and out the door, stumbling towards my doom. I crashed into something cold, something muscular, and something good-looking…damn! It was him! Stupid small hospital!

"For all of that knowledge, one would think you'd have the common sense to look where you're going." He said, he managed to keep his tone civil, though if his face was twisted up like he smelled something awful. 'Really! I don't know what this man's problem is' I thought, he was really beginning to irritate me, which was not mitigated by his breathtaking beauty.

"This is the time someone usually responds, or was your little display back there a one hit wonder?" He was smiling now! Unbelieveable! 'Glad Im amusing him' I thought angrily. I fixed him with my most withering glare.

"Actually, since my little 'display' back there, I've decided I have nothing nice to say to you, so instead of being rude I'm choosing to say nothing, and now I'm choosing to walk in the other direction, because some of us actually have to take care of patients." I turned on my heel, overbalanced, and fell. Great. Just super. If I was in a pointe shoe, that would have been a graceful pique turn. Instead I'm on the floor in these hideous shoes. I felt angry tears prick the back of my eyelids again. Edward looked stricken. He was reaching his hand out to help me up.

Epov

"Actually, since my little 'display' back there, I've decided I have nothing nice to say to you, so instead of being rude I'm choosing to say nothing, and now I'm choosing to walk in the other direction, because some of us actually have to take care of patients." She was so adorable when she was angry. Her beautiful brown eyes were glaring at me, and color flashed high in her cheeks, spreading like a bloom. She was right of course. I've been horribly rude to her. Even if it was for her own good. I felt chastened.

When she fell, I had to stifle a laugh. It would irritate my already angry throat. I still longed to taste her. More than anything. Almost. More than anything I wanted to know what was going on in that sharp mind of hers. Her smell compelled me, her face drew me in, and her mind took my breath away. I would have to resist the thirst if only to be surprised by what she was going to do next. I reached out my hand for hers.

Apov

I am easily distracted. It kind of happens when you can see the future. The class was boring me. Even with all of my advanced placements I was still stuck in a gen ed history class. Rose's face flashed clearly into my mind. "Alice." she said "we're doing this" In her hand was a dance poster. Auditions were tonight. That left so little time for shopping. I put my hand over my mouth, pretending to be ill, grabbed my things and ran out the door. The professor was so self involved he didn't notice, but my husband jasper's eyes were glued on me. He knew I was up to no good. I grinned at him and mouthed "shopping." He smiled and shook his head. I blew him a kiss and ran down the hall almost straight into Rose.

Rpov

I was conscious of the many eyes on me. I'm not stupid. I know I'm beautiful. Something caught my eye though. A bright poster 'Do you like to dance?' the poster asked. If my heart could, it's beat would quicken. I wasn't sure what people were doing these days, but I was a fast learner. I had to do this, but I wasn't doing it alone. I grabbed the poster. "Alice" I said aloud to no one in particular "we're doing this." I knew she got the message. I was loved dancing when I was human. That sounds ridiculous to say. When I was human. I missed it bitterly. Even with this beauty, and even knowing it would never fade, the memories I fought so hard to hold on to flooded over me. I had one human trait, I was longing for the past. Even with an eternity ahead of me.


	2. dance! dance!

Bpov

My first day in the hospital, and no one died. Nothing was injured, except for maybe my pride. I refused to think about _him_another second, not his gorgeous eyes, and definitely not his lips, his lower one was so full…. 'Stop it this instant!' I scolded my self. Sighing, I pulled on my shoes and dragged myself to the barre. I hadn't had time to work out in three days, this was gonna suck. I threw on some beyonce, which wasn't traditional warm up music, but, I wasn't a traditional dancer. Most of my instructors would wince at my form, the way I held my arm or my poor turnout, but since dance wasn't going to be my life I wasn't concerned, I loved to take the beauty of ballet and marry it to other styles of dance, like ballroom or hip hop. This song-halo- was from the slower side of the album anyways, so I didn't feel as guilty. It had a good back beat, so I worked on some jumps to warm up, first, second, and changement- petit and grand. There were fluttery piano parts, I couldn't resist some chaine turns, they're fast and simple, a good way to get from point A to point B gracefully-the pun is intentional.- This was quickly moving away from a warm up and turning into choreography, I sighed and started to prepare an adagio, starting in first, coming en pointe, bringing my right leg up behind me, curving into attitude then straightening and lifting higher. I was balanced on an inch of fabric and box, most people who knew me found this hilarious. I brought my back leg down slowly, shifting my weight onto it and coming up en pointe again, bringing the leg in front of me, then brushing it back, bringing it higher. I grudgingly started on some plies, but after a few I felt myself giving into them. I loved the freedom and the expression of dance, I could feel my stress pouring out at every turn, with every extension. Two girls stood in the open doors, as soon as I noticed them, I stopped dead. They were gorgeous.

"I hope you didn't stop because of us." The one with dark, spiky hair called out. She began walking towards me, her strides were more graceful that my dancing on my best day. Drew would have a heart attack when he saw them. Auditions were in an hour. Even if she was bow-legged he would throw her in a long tutu and shove her in front, sometimes Drew gets his priorities wrong.  
"I'm Alice Cullen, and this is my sister Rosalie, we're here for auditions." She smiled brightly, extending her hand.

" I'm Bella Swan." I breathed. Cullen. That would make them related to Edward. I frowned. I wasn't supposed to think about him.

"This is the right night, right?" Alice asked, her smile faltering slightly. I stopped frowning immediately. "Of course! You're just a little early, but don't worry because you can do some paperwork and be ahead of the game." I handed her and her breathtaking sister the forms. I remembered them from high school, mostly the Cullens kept to themselves, I was pretty shocked to see them here.

The dance corps forms were pretty straightforward, how much dance experience do you have? What's your size for uniforms? What's your schedule? I left the girls to fill their forms out and threw on halo one more time, we had unfinished business. I was into my dance, into the piano chorus and something sounded different, there was a slight lag between the piano on the track and…what was that? I stopped and looked up. _IT was HIM! The nerve!_

"You should wear those shoes all of the time, you seem to have better balance up that high." He called. He was smirking, his mouth pulling up at the corners, I was seeing red. " I guess you would know, you've haven't fallen off _your_ high horse yet" I shot back. Alice suppressed a giggle in the corner. I whipped my head around, I had forgotten they were here, I felt a traitorous blush creep up my cheeks. I heard the piano lid close softly, and in instant later felt a hand on my arm. This kid was always cold. I shivered.

"You're absolutely right." He muttered softly, looking out at me from under his lashes. My eyes narrowed. "_Excuse_ me? I think I heard you wrong _Doctor_." I replied waspishly.

"My behavior towards you has been inexcusable. Carlisle made me come and find you, at first I was angry, but he is right, I have not been behaving in a professional manner towards you, and that needs to change." His voice was honey. 'What was I angry about again, exactly?' My mind was fuzzy. I looked into his eyes and gasped. His eyes. Where they had been black with fury this morning, they were shot through with gold. They made my stomach hurt. "Bella?" his voice sounded far away. I snapped out of it. " I-I'm sorry too Edward, I wasn't exactly pleasant towards you either." I managed to stammer. Those eyes, oh! He was waving his hand now "Bella, your conduct was beyond reproach, it was only in response to my inexcusable discourtesy, I can only hope that you will do me the favor of granting me a fresh start, though I certainly don't deserve it." I wish he would stop looking at me like that, I would probably agree to give him almost anything if he kept looking at me that way.

The door flew open, breaking the moment, and Drew came in, with the force if a small hurricane. He was _that_ dramatic, most of Forks didn't know what to make of him. Though most of Forks had probably only encountered the word homosexual in a book, let alone a living, breathing, "fabulous queen" like him. "Who is that?" He mouthed at me. "Tell you later" I mouthed back. Drew took in the rear view and gave me a thumbs up.

"Bella?" Edward asked. I smiled at him. "Hello" I said, extending my hand. "I'm Bella Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you." His answering smile could have lit the hospital for a week. "My name is Edward Cullen, and the pleasure is all mine." His cool hand grasped mine, and he brought our hands up to his lips, brushing my hand slowly with them, his golden eyes danced out at me. I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing. I think my mouth may have been open. I'm in trouble. More girls were pouring in, where was I? Dance. Edward was already walking away, and he turned giving me one more smile. "I'll see you at the hospital Bella." The rest of the auditions passed in a blur.

Epov.

I heard the music coming in from the parking lot. The words hit me

"_Remember those walls I built? Well baby they're tumbling down, they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound…standing in the light of your halo, I've got my angel now…hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night, you're the only one that I want, think I'm addicted to your light" _

I was mesmerized by Bella's graceful turns, her arms extending out into space. I was pulled bodily into the studio by some force I couldn't begin to explain. This was no good. I should stay away from her. I should tell her to never talk to me again. My hands had found the keys, it was easy to keep up with the song. Bella's complete immersion in the moment was one of the reasons I should stay away, from this…this angel, the look on her face, it was bliss. I wished she would notice me and run screaming. No I didn't. I wished she would notice me and look at _me_ the same way. The thought ripped through me like fire. I couldn't bear it. It was ridiculous to be this attached to someone I wanted to kill. I didn't even know if it was her blood or her mind that drew me to her, but I couldn't stay away. I was a selfish monster, playing games with her life because I couldn't bear to be parted from her. The song ended, and then her face changed. It gave me some sick sort of pleasure to see her eyes widen, her mouth form that perfect Oh, to see her face darken. 'Good, she should always look at you like that' I thought viciously. "You should wear those shoes all the time, you seem to have better balance up that high" I couldn't help but goad her, even when she was angry with me, she was breathtaking, irresistibly so. I couldn't help myself. I had to be near her. If I believed in God, I would ask his forgiveness now….


	3. how to save a life

-1Bpov

At auditions we watched the girls carefully, we consider ourselves family and a girl can have an excellent fan kick, but a horrible attitude. No one wants to deal with drama. Rosalie and Alice mostly kept to themselves, but interacted when spoken to. Of course they already had a soft spot in my heart, I could still feel Edwards lips against my hand, if I thought hard enough. " Okay girls" I called out. "We're going to get started with a simple warm up, then we will do some work across the floor, and finally you will learn a 30 second piece that I have worked on, it's part of our hip hop ballet suite. You will all be sent an email one way or the other by midnight tonight, so good luck to all of you, and just dance."

Auditions flew by in a blur, and because life deals great hands to some, Alice and Rosalie not only looked good, they danced flawlessly. "Girl" Drew purred "home girl can foette. Plus look at her face, an angel's face with a model's body, in, so in." He placed a big check next to Rosalie's name. All things considered it went pretty well, I even had a chance to try out my skills after one girl, Tiffany rolled her ankle. We had decided on who was making the cut, and everyone was leaving. Everyone except for me. With my long day on my mind, I had to dance out some more stress before I could even hope to sleep.

Epov

I heard the door slam, and I looked up in annoyance at my two sisters. Literally, up, they shoved me out of the way so they could get to the computer. I had been too involved in my own thought to hear theirs. My own dangerous thoughts. If anyone had told me my life could be changed in a single glance, I would have written them a script and checked them in for 24 hour observation. I had given up on…companionship-I refuse to say Love, not so soon-long ago. I could barely stand to think of myself, how could anyone else? How could I thrust this monster on anyone? It seemed now that I had little choice in the matter.

"Edward, what time is it?" My sisters chorused. Sighing I glanced at my watch. Midnight. Good Lord I _had _been preoccupied, the reading I was doing on Swans (The catheters, not the animals) had led my mind…astray.

"Dear Rosalie and Alice, Make sure you're not doing anything this Saturday." Alice shrieked out. " Rose! What is that supposed to mean?" I watched my littlest sister's face, frozen in hysterics and I chuckled. "Oh look, there's a note from Bella at the bottom" Rosalie said, craning her neck over Alice's shoulder. Wait a minute…

"Bella just sent that?" I asked. "Yeah, she said she was going to stay at the studio and practice for a while, so she must have just sent it, why?" Rosalie looked up at me, her face calculating. I know my sisters had not missed my own little display. The women in this family were constantly trying to encourage me to settle down, so saying anything in front of them had probably been a mistake but I just couldn't help myself. I didn't know where this was going, but I knew I had to find out, as selfish as that made me. I grabbed the car keys from the table. Bella shouldn't be out this late without an escort. Why should I be any different from any other unsavory character she may encounter, the worst I could do was kill her. As soon as I thought that, a pain seared through my whole body. I didn't really know her, but I knew enough to know that any world without her in it would be dimmer somehow. She was involved in something that made Rosalie smile, something that hadn't happened in a while, really, and Carlisle seemed quite taken with her. Anyone who could win over my picky family so quickly had to be extraordinary. The impulse to be near her pushed my foot down on the accelerator, and I sped towards campus, picking up the first faint strains of her music before I pulled into the parking lot. I didn't recognize the band. The songs changed as I glided down the hallway, and I stopped to watch her for a moment. She really was graceful, as long as she was dancing. Walking she was a disaster, she was a contradiction in other ways as well.

" _I have fortunes upon fortunes, take my hand for tender, I am tortured, ever tortured, and if you don't love me, let me go, I am a writer, writer of fictions I am the heart that you call home, and I've written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones, I am a writer, I am all that you have whole…and if you don't love me let me go." _

I didn't really remember walking up to her, but suddenly we were dancing together. Our bodies moving, but our eyes never leaving one another's it was as if we were halves to one whole. One song passed. Two. We danced without speaking but, it was building to something. Neither of us said a word as the second song finished. The room was silent, save for her breathing, I leaned down to her face, my hands had wound themselves in her hair. Her face was upturned, and her lips parted, I could hear her heart beating, and I could almost feel my own. My phantom heart stirred. I had to be closer, the moment could have lasted hours, I don't really know. Her eyes had their own golden hue, like the grain on the most achingly beautiful piece of wood. A drop of sweat fell from her hairline, caressing her face, sliding down her throat. I inhaled. A breath I didn't know I was holding, and her scent ripped into my senses, awakening something. I started to pull her closer, my grip becoming stronger, my thirst growing, overwhelming me, I was drowning in it. Some part of me felt a warm hand on my chest, stopping me, light as a feathers touch. "Edward?" Her voice was small, yet unafraid. "You're hurting me." It was a statement made quietly, but forcefully. "let me go" it commanded. Not "stop, please" but "Let. Me. Go." I loved her. I couldn't let her go. I couldn't kill her. Not even when every bit of the monster in my was roaring for her blood. Something in me broke. I looked once more into her eyes, and shoved her away. Hard. What I saw in her eyes wasn't fear. I remember each and every time I have killed someone and the look in their eyes at their last moment was always fear. Always. Bella's eyes just questioned. "What are you doing?" they asked as though I were standing on my head in the middle of the ward, not close to taking her life. I ran, but I knew I'd see those eyes tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I knew what I had to do.

**a/n -so? His decision is made. What will hers be?**

**I wrote this at a rather late hour, so I apologize, though I did spell check some grammatical error always escapes me. A thousand pardons. **


	4. misery business

-1**A/N Hey guys, hokay, so where did we leave off? Ah yes, Edward was just leaving. I keep forgetting to tell you guys about artists and lyrics and in the interest of citing my sources…halo by beyonce and the second set of lyrics was from engine driver by the Decembrists, cookies for anyone knew that. You know, fake, interwebz cookies. The quote is from ****The Farming of Bones**** By Edwidge Danticat.**

Bpov

It was a moment before I remembered to shut my mouth. The studio door swung open and shut in the breeze, I was vaguely aware of the wind blowing my hair, and a dull ache in the tops of my arms. The CD was on its fifth track now. I spun around in an instant, my face in the mirror was white, my eyes looked crazed, my arms had protested Edward's vice grip with angry, vivid bruises, the outline of each of his fingers looked indelible. If I was honest with myself, they were, he had marked me, changed me forever. His eyes, when I looked into them, were open windows into this man's beautiful soul. A line from a book I had borrowed from a friend popped into my mind now "Misery won't touch you gentle, it always leave its thumbprints on you, whether it's for others to see, or nobody but you to know of." Edward's eyes held more misery than anyone's I'd ever seen, more than anyone's had a right to, but, underneath, there was…something else.- A last bit of hyperbole- I got the sense of a war ravaged landscape, beautiful terrain, marred by catastrophe. I had to know more. No matter how much dancing I did, I was never going to get to sleep tonight. I may as well do something productive, and the lab is always open….

Saturday

Of course I had taken Alice and Rosalie's forms. I would be picking them up for a bonding day, it's something we like to do at the beginning of the semester with all of our girls, a little bonfire at La Push, followed by an evening in Seattle. It's our tradition that the new girls get something like a big sister in a sorority, I jumped at the chance to take Rose and Alice on, I won't pretend that their high level of involvement in Edward's life didn't help them, but there was something about them too, something about all of the Cullens that made me want to know…more.

Their house was difficult to find, I borrowed one of Charlie's police SUV's to do the job, my truck was in the garage of Jacob Black, one of my closest friends. We had dated, once upon a time, and I was happy, but the relationship was like Charlie's favorite chair, comfortable, easy. It had seemed to blossom more out of proximity and opportunity rather than any true feelings of passionate love on my part. I loved Jacob, I could be myself around him…but…we both deserved more. It hurt him more deeply than he would show me still, it's my one regret, but I know I made the right decision. We had just started talking again, at his request, I wasn't going to force it, and we had fallen back into our friendship, as if this was the way it had always been. Up until very recently I didn't feel my life was missing anything. Ah! There was the road! If it could be called that, trees reached out to each other across a narrow…trail. The sunlight was just filtering through the leaves, and the forest was strangely silent, save for my tires on the unpaved path. The silence was pressing on me, but it was not uncomfortable, unnatural as it was. My breath hitched in my throat as the white house rose on the horizon, I felt like Gretel, or some other fairy tale child happening upon an unexpected place of magic. The door flew open, and a small blur came streaking towards my truck. "Bella!" Alice shrieked. Rosalie sauntered lazily out of the door, she was behind Alice in a shorter amount of time than I expected. Alice threw her arms around me. 'Were they all this cold?' I wondered to myself. "Bella, don't keep us in suspense any longer, when is the first rehearsal?" Alice was bouncing on her toes. I hadn't included anything in the email one way or the other, just said don't be busy Saturday. We personally spoke to each and every girl that tried out for auditions, they were invited to go out with us to Seattle if they didn't make it, and for the whole day if they did. Honestly though, with their beauty and grace, they had to know they'd had it. Sighing, I reached behind me for their gifts, just part of our new sisterhood. For both, I had gotten three roses, one red- for passion, one white-for purity, one yellow-for friendship. These things were at the center of the dance corps philosophy.

They looked touched. "These are beautiful, Bella" Rose said quietly, then she and Alice exchanged a look. "Come inside Bella, Carlisle is dying to see you, we need to get a few things for the day together anyways, and put these in water." Alice grabbed my hand and started pulling me as she said this, for such a little thing, she was certainly strong.

"Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed as soon as I'd set foot in the door. "May I take your, um, coat?" He asked, gesturing at my favorite zip up hoodie. Come to think of it, it was a little warm, I slid out of it gratefully, and Carlisle's eyebrows went up slightly, in reacton I was assuming to the state of the hoodie, it was well loved. Standing next to Carlisle was a beautiful woman. "This is my wife, Esme." He said, kissing her on the cheek. "Esme, this is the nursing student I was telling you about, Bella." I blushed as I was reminded forcefully of the first time we met, I was yelling at his son. She extended a creamy white hand out to me, "Bella" she said, smiling "I've heard such wonderful things about you." I blushed deeper. "Thank you, undeserved I'm sure." I muttered, adding on at the last second "you have a lovely home" She smiled wide. "Thank you, and it was most certainly deserved, it's not everyone that can put my son in his place." As though he appeared from thin air, Edward was behind her, frowning. "If she wasn't already talking, I would have said the same thing." He said moodily, not looking at me, but at my arms. I had forgotten about the bruises, and had since taken my sweatshirt off, the tank top did nothing to cover the fading, but still very present bruises on my arms. Now Carlisle's eye raise made sense. "Dance is very violent, especially for someone who falls down walking" I said, by way of explanation. Edward's lips tightened in response, and he stalked out of the room, almost running into two men. I was sure I'd seen the bigger one on campus before, Rose walked over to him and kissed him. " How was the hunt?" She asked, a grin playing at the corners of her mouth. He pulled some hot dogs out of a bag. "It was slim pickings, but we were victorious in the end, those marshmallows put up one hell of a fight." The big man joked, pulling some marshmallows and chocolate out of the bag too. Alice turned to me " I didn't know what to bring." Rose came down the stairs, I hadn't noticed her departure. She was carrying two big bags. "Ready?" She asked grinning.


	5. waste case

**A/N Hey guys, I've been thinking about the way this is going to go for a while. There is an interesting school of literary criticism, postmodernism I believe- feel free to correct me if I'm wrong-that calls for the death of the author. That you should not consider their intentions, just the body they've left behind. The dead speak to us all of the time, we recognize ourselves in them, black and white ghosts, reaching out to us from a page. Love, loss, pain, escapism, cheating the very death we are so absorbed in, those are the things that draw us in. If we did not accept the death of the original author, how could we have so trespassed on the burial ground of her works, whispering stories to one another in the night, in our own internet crypt? Why the morbid turn, if you haven't skipped past my nonsensical ramblings to get to the point, to my own small death, though the characters are certainly not born of my mind, they have certainly struck a chord in me. Who doesn't love a fairy tale? What good fairy tale isn't slightly macabre? **

**After all… "Death be not proud, though some have called thee mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so…death, thou shalt die." **

Bpov

Alice and Rosalie managed to talk us all out of going to the beach at La Push. The weather being what it is in Forks, no one was truly disappointed by this turn of events. "Only you can prevent forest fires" a voice purred in my ear. Drew had snuck up behind me, hot dog in hand. "We're gonna clean up and go back to Tiff's to get ready to go out, you ok? You look a million miles away" He finished, around a mouthful of hot dog. I smiled, "Mike coming?" I asked. Drew was the only other human I knew that could blush as much as me. He grinned " I couldn't let you girls have all the fun, speaking of fun, you never told me about Dr. Heart-throb." It was my turn to flush a deep crimson. "That's nothing, he's just an intern for one thing, and incredibly arrogant and-" "incredibly delicious" Drew cut me off. I hit him with a package of hot dog buns. "Like he'd ever be interested." I mumbled. "He definitely looked interested. Anyways, girl, let's go get our dance on." I could never say no to Drew.

Why had I agreed to this? I made to get up out of the chair for the 100th time. "Bella, sit still! The more you fidget the longer this is going to take!" Alice chided, holding out what could only be an instrument of torture, and moving towards my face. My hands moved up instinctively to protect myself. "What is that _thing?_" I asked in horror, pointing at the little silver instrument. Sighing, she kept up her advance. "It's an eyelash curler Bella, honestly, haven't you ever done your makeup before?" She demanded. Drew sidled up behind her, and whispered a little too loudly to be credible "Honey, it's a losing battle just keeping her away from complex carbs, makeup is no man's land." I glared at him, unable to do much under the grasp of Rosalie who was doing something incredibly painful to my hair. "Ouch!" I yelped. "Bella" She said patiently "it hurts to be beautiful." I was clearly in hell. I didn't think it could get worse, until I saw what I was expected to wear. "Where is the rest of that?" My voice sounded unnaturally shrill. "Charlie wouldn't let me out of my own bedroom wearing that let alone Forks."

"Good thing you live in the dorms then, isn't it?" Alice was enjoying this too much. I would get her for this if it was the last thing I did. I'm not even sure I knew how to get into whatever that scrap of fabric they called a dress was. It was midnight blue, and strapless, and ended about mid-thigh. Apparently, I had done something to offend someone, somewhere, because the shoes they brought out looked like they would break under my weight. "Guys, pointe shoes I can handle, but what are those?" I was really terrified for my own safety now. "If you want me to quit, I will, you don't have to put me out of commission" Alice, Drew, and Rosalie smiled indulgently. "Bella, please don't talk this way in front of the manolos" Alice begged. What? Who was manolo, and why did he hate women? They were a midnight blue satin, with little bows over the toes, open toed, to show off my new pedicure, that was forced upon me. My foot was just supposed to sit on this satin nightmare, unsupported, on a four inch, razor thin heel. I snorted, which turned into a high pitched giggle. Relieved as I was of my driving duties, someone had kept my drink full all night, which was how this mess originally started. I was edging on tipsy, the hysteria may push me over. I gave into it all, and the last thing I remember was arriving at the club. Well, that's not entirely accurate, but that's another story…

**Four hours later**

I probably couldn't even tell you my own name. At least I was out of those horrible shoes. I'm not really sure where they went, but that was the least of my worries right now. I had to get out of the wall of drunken bodies pressing in on me. The room was spinning, and nausea threatened to overtake me. I had about 8 jello shots, someone had made me do salt-shot- lime, maybe that was two someones? Then, something called a lemon drop. I have a vague memory of dancing with my friends. Laughing uncontrollably. Then, suddenly, it was just too much. I had to be outside. Now. Now! Where was the door? I crashed into this huge man. "Oh my Gosh, I'm soooo sorry." I squealed at him, giggling. "Um do you know where outside is? I have to go there, you don't understand" I was slurring badly by now. He looked like Christmas had come early. Good. He probably knew how to get out of here. He took my arm. I didn't like it. "Noo, I just need to find the door, just tell me where it is." I said petulantly, trying to pry my arm from his. "Relax sweetie" His breath smelled like stale beer. He was pulling me away from people. " No" I said, getting more alarmed now. "No, I just remembered where it is." I said again, louder, his grip on my arm remained vice-like. I felt tears spring to my eyes, I kept tugging fruitlessly. How could I get out of this, at least if I had the shoes I could stab him. Damn! I felt a cool hand on my arm, "Sweetheart, there you are, you had me so worried." The voice was velvet smooth. "Yo pal" Beer breath started in "I saw her first, if she wanted you, she'd have found you" he sneered. I saw a faint flash, and then beer breath was on the floor. "Actually, _pal_" the velvet voice was shaking with rage " I believe the lady asked you to unhand her." I was being tugged towards the door. "Oh my God, thank you so much, I didn't even know that man, and he was just all up in my life and I tried to tell him no and he wouldn't listen." My voice broke in a sob. The owner of the cool hand turned, and my heart stopped. "You!" I cried. "You have some nerve!" I yelled, wrenching my hand from his. He started chuckling. "What? You think this is funny?" I screeched.

" What is your deal? You should talk about manhandling! One second you're all charming and sweet and then you can't stand to be near me! You think because you're gorgeous you can just do whatever you wish?" I was starting to make a scene, I didn't care, I was drunk and I was pissed. Edward Cullen. Of all people. He was probably here trying to mack on some girl, and he's. Still. Laughing. "Arrrgh!" I screamed and stamped my foot. "I'M SO GLAD I COULD AMUSE YOU!" I cried shrilly. Great, now I'm crying, great, just so humiliatingly perfect. "Are you quite through?" He asked, unable to contain his smile. "What are you even doing here?" I grumbled. "Honestly?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. " I followed you here." I gaped at him. "What's the punch line?" I asked sourly. Why on earth would he follow me? " I was concerned about you, especially after all those drinks, and that concern was obviously well grounded." I wished I could wipe the smirk off his face. Damn him. " I wasn't aware I was any of your concern" I gritted out through clenched teeth. We were outside now, and he advanced on me, a strange look on his face. I turned to go, satisfied to have stymied him into silence. "Strictly speaking, you aren't, at least not by any choice of my own, yet here I am." He whispered this, but I heard every word. "what is that supposed to mean?" I hissed. He had me up against the brick wall now, his arm blocking my escape. He sighed, and ran a hand through his beautiful hair, squeezing his eyes shut, clearly in some distress. "Bella," He ground out. "It seems I cannot stay away from you. This is distressing to me, because it was so well controlled all through high school, I watched you with Jacob and knew you were better off. My self control is wearing thin." I gasped. Then I turned, and threw up. A cool hand was at the back of my neck. " That's the sort of reaction I was hoping for, though I know it is alcohol induced." He murmured, he was rubbing my back. Goosebumps that had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin sprung up.

"Bella! Bella!" several high pitched voices were calling out my name. "Over here" Edward called. "Edward!" Alice exclaimed "What are you doing here, and what did you do to Bella? Never mind that, go get her shoes." I saw Alice crouch down. "Oh honey" she crooned. "Here are her shoes, Alice I'm going to take her home." Edwards honey voice was speaking again. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked him, there was a weird edge to her voice. His reply was sharper than the situation warranted "We'll be perfectly fine, thank you."

Epov

Of course I watched her sleep. After that day in the studio I had seen this coming, knowing how I couldn't bear to be parted from her. I had forgotten the way she called to me from the first time I laid eyes on her. It was in some inane science class, she had walked in, and the breeze had swept in behind her. I promised myself that day that I would never so much as say hello to her. Besides, a second later a darker skinned boy strode through the door. She turned to look at him, and reached her hand out for him, a smile playing at her coral lips. He whispered something in her ear, and she laughed. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard, and though I wanted to snap everyone's neck and drain her of that scent, til I was glut with her blood. I managed to control that feeling as she was so rarely in proximity to me, but when she was, my traitorous eyes were glued to her. Not just for her beauty, but she had this light, this innocence mingled with incredible weariness, as though she'd traveled far and wide. She was no more seventeen than I was. The boy was enamored of her completely, I would read his mind, just to be near her.

That day at the hospital, I was completely assaulted with that lure again. I knew things had ended with her and the boy, Jacob, I had heard his name was. I had forgotten the way her scent called to me until it assaulted me in that hallway. I was too far gone then, not sure how long I could protect her from the worst thing I could imagine…myself. I tried to push her away. She was stubborn. She moved against me, distracting me from my own thoughts. I studied the way the moon shone on her skin, her hair. Her fingers found my shirt. She sighed. It would be beyond an understatement to call the sigh beautiful, her warm breath didn't smell quite right yet, and I frowned. She had probably never touched alcohol before in her life. I had to hand it to my sisters though, the sharp contrast between the midnight blue of her dress and her alabaster skin was mesmerizing. No wonder the scoundrel had such salacious thoughts about her. She really had no idea how beautiful she was, not that I knew that from her thoughts, which were still silent for me. Suddenly she sat up, stock straight. Damn, I was caught now. "Edward?" She asked groggily. "Yes, Bella?" I answered unsure. "Ok, good" She sighed and reached for my face, grabbing it between her hands, staring into my eyes. "Your eyes are gorgeous" She slurred, and promptly slid back down, burying her face in my chest. Incredible. She was sleeping again. What was I going to do with her? I wondered smiling. She was clearly in danger even without my involvement in her life, my selfishness had already made my choice. I brushed my lips across her forehead. "mmm that's nice, Edward." She breathed in her sleep. "Don't leave, k?" She asked, patting my face blindly. I laughed. As though I had that in my power.


	6. country death song

-1Bpov

I had the strangest dream, it was so vivid, my fingers went searching for someone before my eyes opened. When they found nothing but empty space, I was confused. A second later, I was miserable- my cell phone's shrill ring pierced my sleepy haze and the last remnants of my dream evaporated like smoke as Drew's voice was asking me to go to breakfast. My pounding head said no. but I had the biggest craving for something incredibly greasy and horrible, so I said yes. I threw my hair up, threw some sunglasses on and went to meet some people down at the diner.

**Four hours later**

I really hate running. I do a lot of things I hate just because I should, I may as well buy a minivan now and fully embrace middle age. The forest was beautiful at least. It was too rainy on the road, so I took shelter under the trees, this wasn't the best plan as I already tripped probably six or seven times over a stealthy tree root or worse, my own feet. My ragged breath streamed from my mouth in the cool weather, I suddenly noticed it was the only sound I heard, and I slowed down, unsure. The forest was unusually calm and quiet, and I was suddenly exhausted. I slowed down to a walk and pulled a honey packet from my jacket pocket when I found a log dry enough to sit on. My muscles hummed happily and I was only too grateful for the opportunity to rest and watch the sun filter down through the trees. It was different landscape than the one I had left behind in phoenix, though I much preferred the sunshine, the verdant forests, and the vast, lush, mysterious mountains suited me better. A twig snapped behind me. As though I'd heard a gunshot, I straightened, whipping my head to stare in every direction, my hand at my heart. Then my heart stopped. A gigantic black bear walked into my line of sight, a line which was narrowing by the second. 'What are you supposed to do? Play dead?' The bear eyed me, probably deciding which part of me to maul first. I took a tentative step backwards. He, I don't know why I imagined the bear as a him, mothers are more likely to attack, took a step towards me. 'That's what I was afraid of' I thought to myself. 'Okay Bella, what are you going to do?' I didn't have an answer to my own question. Then, incredibly, he started lumbering in the other direction. My heart started to beat again, slowly at first, then as my eyes relayed the message of the bear's departure, my heart raced, as though making up for lost time. The adrenaline rush would have carried me home quickly, if only I hadn't seen what happened next. My eyes were still glued to the bear, so I was surprised to see something out of my peripheral vision flash towards it. At first my mind registered the silence of the motion, the stillness of the clearing around me, and the whisper of the wind, making its way through the trees now, it lifted my hair as though playing with it. The blur was hunched over the bear, the bear was on the ground, not moving, as the breeze reached the figure, carrying my scent and the scent of the forest like a messenger the figure suddenly stopped. I recognized it. Even at 50 meters, it was unmistakable. 'Carlisle just killed that bear' my brain registered with a surprising lack of astonishment. Then everything was black.

Cpov

I had decided to hunt on a whim, I was thirsty, to be sure, but it could have waited a day or two. The weather had provided the perfect excuse, not many people in the woods when the weather was as good as this. It was raining, but to a resident of forks, that was like saying the sun rose, the rain was a constant presence but it carried with it today the first stirrings of a sweeter warmth. This was unusual for Forks, and I couldn't resist its lure. As I watched the figure in front of me fold and fall gracefully to the forest floor, I cursed myself mentally. This was a new wrinkle, I whipped my cell phone out and called my son, and told him to meet me at the hospital. I told him what had happened and what we had to do.

**a/n sorry this is so brief, I have to go out to dinner with some friends. Sushi. Yum. You've also probably noticed that most of my chapters are song titles- every love story should have a soundtrack, yes i did just type that because i am that rediculous. In case anyone was wondering, in order; No Doubt, a lyric from fall out boy, or maybe panic at the disco, sometimes I can't tell them apart, the fray, paramore, not a song title that i know of, and the violent femmes. All awesome bands. Not really love songs, but as i always listen to music when I write I can't help but be inspired a little. **


	7. toxic

Epov

I stared at the only thing that made sense, the MRI films. In the background the various machines beeped, nothing alarming. If you spend enough time in a hospital, you would be surprised at the obnoxious sounds you can tune out. The MRI films were encouraging, no bleeding, no swelling, and no clots. Passing out is exhausting, even though I haven't been unconscious in over ninety years, I had practiced medicine long enough to understand that, so the fact that she hadn't woken up yet was not distressing to the doctor in me, but the man in me wanted her eyes to open the way I wanted to eat my next meal, it burned inside of me, the man an the monster are inexorably intertwined. It hadn't taken Carlisle and I long to come up with something to explain what she had seen, for one, who would believe her, her passing out was the best evidence we had on our side. The obvious thing to do would be to leave, but the smart thing to do would be to stay, to lend less credence to what she was going to say when she did wake up. I checked her IV line again before sitting down and staring at her.

CPOV

I signed my name on one last form before I went to find my son. He was in her room as I expected, and his now-dark eyes burned into me. He wasn't angry with me the way he should have been, my carelessness had almost cost us our lives here. I felt the weight of my years settle firmly on my shoulders, and too my place next to my son.

Her father rushed into the room like a tsunami. "What's going on here?" He demanded. "Sir" Edward began, "Bella was running out in the woods, when she came upon a bear, and fainted probably from a combination of shock and dehydration, she hit her head pretty hard on the way down, but there is no evidence to support a concussion, we're going to keep her on fluids overnight to correct the dehydration and to observe her further in the event that complications arise from her head injury. She should be awake shortly, and she is probably going to be a little confused." Mr. Swan nodded at my son. "But how was she found?" He asked. I was only happy to tell my part of the story. "Luckily sir, I am also fond of running, I was fortunate enough to see Bella fainting, and I brought her to the hospital myself." I said from underneath my hands, which were pressed over my eyes. Charlie held his hand out to me, I took it. "I can't thank you enough, Carlisle, you know Bella, she's a pretty independent spirit, never really afraid of much, so while I appreciate those qualities in her, I still worry, because to me she will always be my little girl." Charlie's voice was thick as he said this. I smiled and said "I know how you feel, even though I'm prouder of my son than I can say, he will still always be my little man." Edward finally looked up from Bella and glared at me. We went out in the hallway, I with a heavy heart, because _did_ know Bella, she wasn't going to buy some story we fed her, she was intelligent, and persistent, we had three choices; leave, but she could follow us, and eventually the volturi would catch on, kill her, and never forgive myself, or make her one of us, which Edward would never allow. We had a lot to discuss.

**a/n sorry I haven't updated guys, I started clinicals this week, and have been buried under paperwork, and textbooks since day one. I will try to update at least once a week, comments and criticism is always appreciated and certainly encouraged. **


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